It is my time to shine. The people are going to love seeing me again after a hundred year absence. Let me just straighten out my feathers, shine my beak, take one more look in the brook. Yes siree bob. They are going to love seeing me again. Who am I? I am the Carolina parakeet. The only native parrot to North America that could not only survive, but could thrive the cold winters there. Some people thought we were too loud, too proud, and could be a bit much at times. That’s probably why they didn’t want us around. Oh, and we had a few too many large flock parties in their corn fields, but to be fair they had cut down a lot of our hang out trees. What were we supposed to do? All that was in the past. Now I’d go check in with the Lazarus Management Team (LMT) and head back to good old Cincinnati, Ohio, my final stomping ground until my extinction in 1918. “Hey gang. What’s going on? I haven’t seen you in a while,” I said to the three members of the LMT as I crossed over the brook. “So good to see you again, Inca. When was the last time we spoke?” Eldey the great auk asked. “It was probably that day before we decided to gather the nine members for the Great Mission to return to Earth,” Martha, the passenger pigeon, interjected. Eldey and Astuto, the dodo, exchanged glances and looked at the pigeon. Martha simply replied, “We are sorry. What we meant was…” Eldey spoke again, “We hope there are no hard feelings about that. We only needed…” “No problem, my black and white friend. It’s all good. You and Lonesome George and the others did a great job setting the stage back on Earth. I’m just happy that I get my chance to start over now,” I said. “Did you read the informational scroll?” Eldey asked. “Yes siree bob. I saw it, but don’t worry I have a plan,” I said. “That means you didn’t read it,” Astuto siad rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “It is important that you understand the rules for your return to Earth,” Eldey said calmly. “I do understand them. I grab some orange fruit there,” I said pointing to the tree, “ I walk across the brook over there, and bam, a bright light sends me back to Cincinnati, Ohio.” “I will go get you the informational scroll on Ohio, to help you on your…,” Martha said, getting ready to take flight. “That’s ok. I got this. It’ll be great,” I said eager to get moving. “Just be careful, because once you’re back there if something goes wrong you won’t return to the Garden unless you go extinct again. That is something that no animal wants to experience,” Eldey said sadly. I had heard that Eldey was one of the few animals who did try to return to the people long, long ago. From what I remembered it did not go well, but I wouldn’t make those mistakes. “Ok. Here I go! Yes siree bob, this will be fun,” I shouted, jumping through the great light on the other side of the brook. I opened my eyes and saw it. Taking up the whole side of a barn, a sign that stirred my heart, “Welcome to Ohio. Find it here.” I looked to my side and there was my mate, Lady Jane in the flesh. “My Lady, so good to see you again,” I said bowing. “It is nice to be back exploring the natural wonders of Ohio,” she replied. Past the barn we saw a farm field. We hadn’t eaten corn in over 100 years, so we decided to have a little snack before our epic flight to the Cincinnati Zoo. It is true that Carolina parakeets would make terrible ninjas. Some would call us loud, but we just like having a good time. Looking back now, I can see the error of our thinking, but to be fair we never had this problem in the 1800’s. We flew to the cornfield and started to eat. We did see a few cows, chickens, and a dog, but everyone knows Carolina parakeets are poisonous because of the cockleburs we eat. Back in our day, predators knew not to eat us, but no one told that dog. I woke up in the Garden, my mind trying to sort out what happened. I was back in my tree, and Lady Jane was gone. Maybe she was still back on Earth. My only option was to fly back to the brook and speak with the Lazarus Management Team. “We weren’t expecting to see you back here so soon. Did you even go back? Did something go horribly, terribly wrong? Didn’t you have a great plan that…,” Martha yammered. “First and foremost, are you alright?” Eldey said with compassion in his eyes, “double extinction is not something many creatures ever have to face.” “Am I extinct then?” I asked. “Yes. You are as dead as a dodo. No offense to Astuto,” Martha stated. “Technically, we are all as dead as me,” Astuto retorted. “Do you want to tell us what happened? Did something happen with the people?” Eldey asked. “No. It was a farmer’s dog. Lady Jane and I thought predators knew we were poisonous to eat, but no one seemed to tell that dog,” I clarified. “I’m sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, predators are a concern for many of us as we return. Would you like to read the informational scroll about present day Ohio? If you still want to re-return, we can help you with that,” Eldey explained. “He probably won’t even read it. He’ll just look at the pictures,” Astuto grumbled. “No. I’ll read it,” I said, taking the scroll. (You can open it and read it yourself here) I did read it and found out that a lot of things had indeed happened since my extinction in 1918. Although I knew the Wright Brothers had flown an airplane a short distance, air travel seemed to be a common thing. That meant Lady Jane and I flying higher might be dangerous. I also discovered that the Cincinnati Reds were still a baseball team. There was a new sport called football. Cincinnati had a football team called the Bengals. I thought that was strange because I had never seen a tiger in Ohio. Apparently we should be careful of tigers and something called a Bearcat. Now that I had researched current predators and possible threats, I was ready to try my return again. I flew back to meet the Lazarus Management Team. “Ok. I see where I went wrong. The scroll was very informative,” I said. “Imagine that. An informational scroll being informative,” Astuto mocked. “So you would still like to return?” Eldey asked. “Yes siree bob!” I shouted. “Ok. Please be careful. We really don’t know if there is a limit on how many times we can return,” Eldey said. I ate another orange fruit, flew over the brook and straight into the center of the light. Behold: “Welcome to Ohio” greeted us again. This time we were sitting on a massive bridge that spanned the Ohio River. Lady Jane and I decided to explore our surroundings, being a little more cautious than last time. We flew up and over the bridge, circling the Ohio River below. Many fast boats and ships were traveling up and down the river. Many cars were moving slowly across the bridge. Cars were another thing that we had seen before our extinction, but they were more streamline and shiny than I remembered. “What’s the plan this time?” Lady Jane asked. “Avoid cats and dogs,” I laughed. “I wonder if the dog that ate us survived?” “Seeing as we never actually ate any poisonous cockleburs, I think that dog will be just fine,” she replied. “Does that mean the dog ate us, and that same dog could technically eat us again and again and again?” I asked. “I don’t think that should be our focus right now,” Jane said. “You’re right. I want to make sure that we do this right. I was thinking that we should show our Cincinnati pride and have an epic entrance,” I explained. “I like it. Maybe we could use some streamers or something, put a little pizzazz into our entrance back into the world of people,” she added. We flew back to the Cincinnati side of the river and saw two large circular stadiums. These were vast improvements to the original one that we saw in our time. We were both fans of the Cincinnati Reds back in the 1800’s, so we decided to explore there first. The stadium itself seemed to be deserted, so we flew down to explore. The stadium had a large tower at one end of the field, and so many rows of red chairs. But the greatest discovery held by the Reds home stadium was the snacks. There were so many pieces of popcorn and candy hidden under the seats. We also found several containers of soda. Lady Jane & I were in heaven, but this was not where the party was. In the distance, we heard shouting of a huge party. “That sounds fun. You wanna go?” she said enthusiastically. “Yes siree bob! Let’s grab a Reds’ flag or something to show the people our Cincinnati pride,” I said. We flew to a concession stand. I tried to lift a large flag, but underestimated how much it weighed. After choosing a small, more manageable flag we got ready to fly straight into the heart of the Cincinnati party. “Are you sure that’s the Reds logo? I thought it was a cursive ‘C’ or much rounder,” Lady Jane recalled. “You’re thinking of the really old logo. Don’t you remember in 1913 or so, just before the passenger pigeon went extinct, people started wearing hats with a fat ‘C” that looked like it was eating the word ‘REDS’?” I explained. “I do remember laughing about that with Martha,” she replied, “those were some good times before we met our own fate several months apart from each other.” “Once you died, the party was literally over. I just didn’t want to stay at the Cincinnati Zoo any longer without you,” I sighed. “Aww that’s sweet,” Lady Jane cooed. “Anyway, we have a party to get to next door. Let me grab this Reds flag and get going,” I said, shaking off those old memories. We, Carolina parakeets, never reflected much on the past. It was often too tragic to think about. We loved to live for the here and now. The party was at Paycor Stadium, home of the Cincinnati Bengals. It turns out that there are no wild tigers prowling around Ohio, except for in zoos. That was simply the mascot for the Cincy football team. Below us lie a cacophony of noise; of celebration and booing. The atmosphere was ridiculous, ridiculously exciting. “This is amazing. This has got to be the biggest party in history! The Bengals must be the greatest team in this game of football,” I exclaimed. “It must be. Baseball is exciting, but these are my kind of people. I have no idea how this game is played, but I love the celebration,” Jane yelled back. We both flew down into the craziness of Cincinnati football. We landed on the scoreboard, which was nothing like anything I had seen before. There were lights and noises and super sized men crashing into one another, sometimes in slow motion. We sat there staring, taking it all in. “What should we do? Should we meet someone here or go somewhere else?” Lady Jane asked. “Why don’t we stay here and enjoy this football game? After that we can head to the zoo and enact my original plan,” I said. “I was hoping you’d say we could stay,” she replied. That’s just what we did. We heard the boos when our team dropped the oddly shaped ball. We cheered with excitement when the Bengals scored. Cincinnati ended up winning, and the party was intense. I swooped down and grabbed a similarly sized Bengals flag from another concession stand. “It’s all part of the plan,” I said flying next to Jane who was holding the Reds flag. The plan was to go to the Cincinnati Zoo and sit on our Memorial Plaque outside of our old Bird House, which the informational scroll said had been updated. That was the plan, until it wasn’t. But later it was exactly how it all unfolded, more or less, as I planned it. Like I said Carolina parakeets aren’t the best forward thinkers. Let me explain. We were flying north toward the zoo which was not far at all as the Carolina parakeet flies. You see, I was doing some loopty loops, showing off just a little for my lady, when I dropped my Bengals flag. We watched as it sputtered in a circle, round and around, until it landed in a little park next to a bench. “Whoops. My bad. I’ll just go get it, and we can be on our way,” I said, swooping down. Lady Jane followed me down into the park. She wisely landed in a tree, still holding her flag. I scanned for pets, but the closest dogs were far away playing fetch with their owners. It was safe, or so I thought. The last thing I remember was a large shadow and then my world went to black. I have no idea how long I was out, because darkness tends to put me to sleep instantly. I knew I wasn’t dead because I wasn’t in the Garden, but I was confused and disoriented. There was a burst of light. My world snapped into focus. I was in a cage, in a house, being watched by a family of people. Now we, Carolina parakeets, had been kept as pets by British colonists and Americans for hundreds of years, so this wasn’t anything new. The problem was I had no idea if Lady Jane was okay or not. “What about our egg?” I wondered. “Maya, come here, it's awake,” a small boy said, pointing at my cage. “Bailey, I have no idea why you brought that thing home,” a similarly aged girl said, “Mom and Dad are gonna kill you.” “If they didn’t want us to have a parrot, why does Mom have a perfectly good cage in the house?” Bailey said, pointing to the cage. “That was a decoration. Mom got that thing because she loves that book by Maya Angelou that we aren’t allowed to read until we’re older,” Maya continued. “Oh. That’s right. Mom and her books. Isn’t that how we got our names too?” Bailey asked. “I think so, but my point is that “cage” is a decoration, not an actual bird cage for birds!” Maya emphasized. Just then, the kids’ parents came in holding many bags of groceries. “I still can’t believe the Bengals won that game on the last play of the game. It was unbelievable,” the dad said, placing down some brown bags in the kitchen. “It was a great game Dear. Kids are you going to…” Mom began, “What is the name of everything good and holy is that thing doing in my house?” The kids' mom was mad. There wasn’t much I could do but watch from my cage. “That thing is not staying here with us. Do you know how many diseases that thing is probably carrying? Now I’m going to have to disinfect the whole house and clean out my good lamp. I mean, why would you put a bird in my lamp?” Mom said. “Who makes a lamp out of a birdcage,” Dad muttered under his breath. Mom turned to Dad, “What did you say?” “Uh, nothing Honey Pie. I’m sorry that’s not what I meant to come out, I mean what I meant to say,” Dad stammered, “I agree that we cannot keep a parrot in our house. I don’t even think we’re allowed to own a pet in our apartment.” “Out please?” I said, breaking the tension. In unison, they all turned toward my lamp cage. “Did that thing just talk?” Mom said. “Out please,” I repeated. “Well, I never,” Mom said, “not only did you bring a bird into my house. You took someone’s pet. I hope you’re happy.” “But Mom, this parrot was lost in the park just playing with a Bengals flag,” Bailey explained. “At least the bird has good taste,” Dad added. “Out please,” I repeated, then I added, “Go Bengals!” “I guess he’s a local. Should I call the animal shelter?” Dad suggested. “I think that’s exactly what we should do. The sooner that thing is out of the house, the better,” Mom added. “I don’t know how you and your brother can be related. You hate animals, and Jimmy works at the stinkin’ zoo,” Dad laughed. “Birds creep me out. They have those little beady eyes. That’s all,” Mom said. Little beady eyes? Mom was kind of rude. I noticed that while the parents had been discussing my future, the kids had moved to look at a glowing rectangle in the corner of the room. “Maya! Bailey! How many times have we told you, you need to ask before getting on that computer. That thing will rot your brain. Why don’t you go read a book instead?” Mom said. “But Mom, we were reading. We are doing research,” Maya said. “Yeah, we wanted to know what kind of parrot it is,” Bailey added. “I see. You still should ask us for permission,” Mom clarified. “What did you find out?” Dad asked, walking to the computer. “We googled, ‘types of parrots’. Did you know there are 350 kinds?” Bailey asked. “Why don’t you look up, ‘green parrot with yellow and red face?” Dad suggested. “No, it’s not a budgie. That’s a parakeet. I’ve seen them at the petstore,” Maya said looking at the screen. “Its face is too red to be a Quaker parrot or an Amazon parrot,” Bailey said. “That one has the same face. A sun conure. Maybe that’s it?” Mom suggested. “No,” I replied. Again, the whole family looked at me. “I just checked the hours for the animal shelter. They’re closed. How about I call your brother Jimmy? He knows all about that zoo stuff,” Dad suggested. “Ok. That sounds like a plan. Maybe he can take it to his place tonight. Otherwise I might not be able to sleep tonight, having nightmares of being attacked by that bird,” Mom said, turning her attention to me. “I got it! I found out what he is!” Bailey yelled. “Really, what did you search for?” Dad asked. “I googled, ‘parrots living in Ohio’ and…,” Bailey said. “What is it?” Mom interrupted, leaning into the computer. “It says here that it is a Carolina parakeet, but it’s extinct,” Bailey explained. “I knew I could smell something,” Mom shivered. “Not, it stinks. Extinct, meaning they are all dead,” Dad clarified. “Oh, well unfortunately he looks very alive to me,” Mom said. This conversation was going to go on all night, and I still had to go find Lady Jane. What could I say to get them to let me out. “Call zoo brother,” I said. “I think that this Carolina parakeet can understand what we’re saying,” Maya said. “Yes,” I replied, “out please.” “Maybe we should let it out,” Dad said. “Not if we plan on sleeping here,” Mom responded. “Do you have a name, little guy?” Bailey asked. “Inca,” I replied, “out please.” While his mom wasn’t looking Bailey reached into my cage lamp. I could have flown all over the house, but I feared Mom would hit me with a broom or something. I balanced on Bailey’s finger and tweeted nicely. “Are you out of your ever lovin’ mind, son?” Mom yelled. “Look, he’s friendly,” Maya said, sticking her finger out. I jumped to the girl’s finger, walked up her arm, and sat on her shoulder. I tweeted softly and rubbed my head against Maya’s neck in typical Carolina parakeet fashion. After a while the whole family had let me cuddle with them, even Mom. I tried not to make eye contact because I knew it creeped her out, but I did sing softly to her. “I guess he’s not so bad, but we can’t be having no extinct bird living in my lamp. I’m making that clear right now,” Mom explained. Mom’s brother showed up a few hours later. By then the family had put on some music, a kind I had never heard before, but I liked it. It had tons of beat and lots of lyrics. If I practiced, maybe I could memorize a whole song. That might impress Mom. “Holy cow. Do you know what this is!? This is the Carolina parakeet!” Jimmy said the minute he walked in the apartment door. “This is amazing!” “How did you know so quickly? Well, there are signs all around the new birdhouse exhibit because they went extinct there back in 1918,” Jimmy explained. “Oh I see,” Mom said. “Plus, another Carolina parakeet showed up at the zoo earlier tonight. She was literally sitting on the memorial plaque outside of the birdhouse. She was even waving a Cincinnati Reds flag at us,” Jimmy continued. “How can this be?” Dad asked. “I know you’re not into animal stuff little sis, but there was big news last year about extinct animals returning. Didn’t you see it on tv? I mean Bigfoot was using sign language on tv to explain that other extinct animals might be returning soon,” Jimmy explained. “How is this possible?” Dad asked. “I really don’t know, but all I do know is that you have a stinkin’ Carolina parakeet in your weird lamp,” Jimmy joked. Well, that’s my story. I was reunited with Lady Jane the next day at the Cincinnati Zoo. The enclosure that the keepers made for us was so much nicer than our original one. Three days after our return, Lady Jane laid an egg. The keepers explained that they’d return the egg to us once it hatched, and they did. Soon after, Lady Jane layed 3 more eggs and our family began to grow. I did make a few small requests to be added to our enclosure. “Music, please? Bengals, tv please?” I asked. Now we are living the perfect life here in the world’s greatest city, Cincinnati, Ohio!